And other platitudes that I’m not practicing!
I’m hoping to get back on track after three missed posts in one week. I visited the lab again this morning to see if my misadventures in microbiology are finally at their end. In equally exciting news, I defended my thesis yesterday, and I am fairly confident that I passed!
Having taken care of that major business, I feel like a new person. I am still waiting to find out what I will be doing this fall, but despite that minor uncertainty, it’s almost as though a veil has been lifted. Compared to the feeling of leaving undergraduate, these moments feel more like a celebration and a welcoming of future possibility, rather than moments of anxiety, uncertainty, and helplessness.
As I wrote earlier this week (here and here), it’s been a turbulent time. Consistency in routine isn’t always possible, but I’ve managed to sleep, stay relatively hydrated (plus or minus whatever dread disease I’m dealing with), and conscious of my impact on the world.
I’ve noticed that in this time of transition, my sense of stability or consistency is internal. This was definitely not the case when I left undergrad, despite the fact that I was in a similar situation. I had a job, a boyfriend, friends, an apartment, but I relied on the trappings of my life to bring me ease and comfort, instead of cultivating those sensations within myself.
It’s taken years, literal years, to calm that internal storm and the sense of high drama and high anxiety that seemed so normal at the time. The ability to rely on myself for a sense of silence, a sense of order, and a sense of peace has developed alongside the realisation that I am genuinely happy in the life that I am living now.
In (consistently!) writing my reflections on this blog, keeping a journal, and talking with friends, those two seeds keep appearing over and over. I trust myself. I love my life. They’re such simple sentences with such complicated emotions behind them, it’s no wonder that it’s taken me years, including these last six months of daily focus and reflection to figure it out.
One part of this blog is certainly devoted to aspiration. I’m learning about new ways to live my life and giving them a fair go. I’m also thinking about the parts of life that I admire and that I’d like to incorporate into my own. While there’s nothing wrong with this kind of inspiration, it’s important to me that this isn’t the only function of my blog. I’m not producing massive amounts of content about new things I’ve done, places I’ve been, stuff I’ve tried, because these things take time.
I suppose, then, that this post is about how grateful I am for the results of consistency. I feel strong enough to go bravely and boldly into a new season of my life, and I’m not sure if that would be the case without this writing exercise.
With my thesis off my back, here is a preview of what I’ll be writing about this summer. I’m trying to keep a good mix of posts about my lifestyle, sustainability, some posts about planning for the future, my finding abundance series, and some light travel. I will also continue my full moon posts, although June’s full moon went less according to plan than I had expected.
Thanks for sticking with me through the hiccups, here’s to continued consistency!