Habits, Life in Paris, Reflection

A Storm Moon Update

Happy full moon! My post on the Pink Moon will be up by tomorrow, but here’s a recap of how my activities from last month have developed.

My plan to give myself a mini-New Years boost with every full moon is going well so far. Last month, I marked the Storm Moon by planting some seeds, welcoming friends, and planning some applications for jobs and yet another graduate program.

The seeds never grew; I’d had them for about a year and change, so they probably weren’t viable when I planted them. Ironically, they were given to me by someone who is no longer in my life. It’s interesting to me that they never sprouted. I’ll keep that as a bit of metaphorical comfort for that difficult friendship situation.

The application I sent into a job yielded a phone interview in French, and an invitation to an in-person interview the following week. Unfortunately, I also received a call before the interview telling me that, after reviewing my immigration status, they were rescinding the offer for the in-person interview.

Easy come, easy go, but it still stung to be invited and then to have the invitation retracted. Not exactly a seamless hiring experience, you know? I don’t want it to be a sign of things to come, but the firm in question was very small, so they may not want to pay the tax associated with my employment. If you’d like more information, you can rad more about my immigration process here.

On Friday, I sent in the application for the graduate program that I mentioned in the Storm Moon post. I am feeling a bit of an emotional conflict around the application, which may be unnecessary considering how competitive the program is. On one hand, I desperately want access to the job market that this program could very easily provide. On the other hand, I know that working hard (and probably networking hard) could help me access similar jobs, even if I would likely be paid less without the degree.

If I am invited for an interview then things will get very exciting around here. If not, then we’ll be back on track for applying jobs over the summer as I finish out my internship.

I want to be clear with myself : I think that a lot of my discomfort around the program is fear about how much it could change my life.

I think that when I get so very close to achieving something that I want, like a job or an opportunity, I am sometimes paralysed by its nearness. The idea that once I get it, once I start, it begins a totally new chapter in my life, that’s a little overwhelming to me. I’ve learned a lot about how to avoid self-sabotage, mostly by pursuing things that align with my values and visions. Even then, my stomach is in knots imagining what will happen!

For now, and for the Pink Moon, I’m focusing myself on being loving to those around me. Check back tomorrow to see how it went!

 

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